NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
