i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
