Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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