Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
