Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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