If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
