that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
