I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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