Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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