I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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