Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
