Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
