Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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