Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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