A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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