I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
