he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
