I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
