you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
