Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
