Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
