Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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