Define "chronic" masturbator.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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