the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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