I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
