so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
