Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
