I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
