yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
