apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize