he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In America we eat man semen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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