he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
