after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize