The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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