the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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