Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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