miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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