i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize