So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
