Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
