i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
