Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
