I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
