Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
