We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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