Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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