I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
