can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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