12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
