THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
