4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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