I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
