ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
