i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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