Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
