Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
