I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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