i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You smell like stripper and shame
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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