When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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