Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
