I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even my vagina gasped.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
