last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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