guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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