super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i believe in u and ur pee
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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