saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
