I think my vagina is haunted
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
