the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
