So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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