Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
