just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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