U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
