and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
