Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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