It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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