i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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