Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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