At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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