im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
