My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
