I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
